The first day of my life

-
This is the first day of my life. I officially completed my last day of work and started a life as a full time mother. I could not be happier. This evening, my co-workers threw me a going away party and the volunteer ushers asked me over and over again what I would be doing when we moved. I felt so vindicated in saying, "I'm going to stay home with our kids." I received a variety of reactions; everything from, "oh that's wonderful" to some blank stares to looks of bewilderment that I didn't have another job lined up for myself. It's this process of becoming. I'm sure it doesn't make sense to some people that I wouldn't have something else on the horizon. Thank goodness for the space to figure out what might be next.

Someone said to me last week, "we know where we are born, but we do not know where we will die." What's more fitting to where I am right now is "we know where we are, but we have no idea where we are going." A complete and total act of surrender this moving away.

In moving away from South Bend, we are physically moving, but there's also a metaphorical moving - a spiritual and emotional moving. Who we have been in this place will never exist again. We are in the process of becoming new people; a new family.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Restraint

-
Sean shows a great deal of restraint.  When I gave him a snack to eat "while watching Sesame Street," he sat there staring at the TV, watching the end of the previous show. me: Sean, do you like your snack? Sean:  huh? Oh, yeah. me:  Are you going to eat it? Sean: (nodding his head, as if teaching me a point) Yes, Mama. I am just waiting to eat until Sesame Street comes on. Five minutes later, when I hear the Sesame Street song start, I see Sean reach into his bowl to eat his snack.  Clearly he's gotten this trait from the Bushlack side of the family.  Similarly, just the other day, he showed amazing restraint concerning a napkin.  After taking a bite of his PB&J, he looked down at his sticky hands, ran to the dining room, grabbed a napkin and brought it back to his stool-by-counter set up (some days there's no sitting for lunch.  Don't ask me why).  As he continued eating his sandwich, he chose to wipe his mouth with his sleeves - b...
Read more

Multi-factorial

-
When Sean was born and we discovered he had a cleft lip, the medical professionals explained that the reasons he was born with a cleft lip were 'multi-factorial.'  One nurse explained that multi-factorial was a fancy way of saying "we really don't know the cause."  As I've pondered the recent events in my life, this word keeps coming to mind.  For example, a month ago why did Sean run through the dining area of a restaurant screaming, "I HAVE A BUTT RASH!!" when he did not, in fact, have a butt rash?  The reasons are multi-factorial.  In a juvenile and impulsive move recently, why did I, a 30 year old woman, rip a sticker off the front of Sean's fleece during his tantrum and throw it in the trash can? Multi-factorial. (not my proudest moment as a parent... one in which I felt myself become a toddler again, frustrated with a fellow child, instead of acting like an adult.)   Or why was I woken this morning to the sound of Sean screaming in my ear ...
Read more

Still Fighting It

-
The other day we were at the YMCA and Sean agreed to use the potty before we left to run errands.  An unusual compliance from him, I applauded his self awareness. But then Sean began getting nervous as he surveyed all of the toilets. Sean: Which one can I use, Mama? me: Any one you want, buddy. Sean: Do the toilets flush by themselves? me: Yes, Sean, all of them do in here.  We talk about this every time. Sean: I don't like it when the toilets flush by themselves! This rigamarole.  We go to the YMCA a couple times a week, and he always worries about the same thing.  He doesn't like how loud the toilets sound when they flush, and his dislike is heightened by the fact that the toilets seemingly flush on their own accord.  I did not have much patience for this predictable exchange. me: I know you don't, but it's time to use the potty and then we need to go!  Come on - He slowly, ever so slowly, began pulling down his pants, bending over at the ...
Read more