Perspective on gender tropes from 5 year olds
Because we live in St. Louis, my kids are growing up in close proximity to their cousins. They are roughly around the same age, and they are all in the same grade level at the same school. It's pretty idyllic. The second grade teacher this past year told me that my daughter and nephew often function like twins in the classroom - both the familiarity and comfort, and then sometimes the desire to break away from that familiar person to do their own thing. As luck and genetics would have it, for each child I have, my brother and sister-in-law have the same age child, but of a different gender or sex. I see gender as a socially constructed reality, and I see where stereotypes about the differences between men and women come from.
I don't see anything wrong with naming the ways boys are different from girls. Part biology, part genetics, part nature, part nurture, there are millions of reasons why our kids display the personalities and talents they do. However, I do think it's important to level the playing field in terms of what kids think could be possible for themselves, and to not be bound by "only boys do (this)" or "only girls do (that)." So this morning as I drove around with my 5 year old daughter, Frankie, and my 5 year old nephew, Louie, a situation presented itself where I thought my two cents might be needed. We were stopped at a red light with construction happening on the road, sidewalk and sewer system to our right. Frankie looked out the window at a group of yellow and orange vested workers moving massive pipes in and out of a large hole in the ground.
Frankie: There's a girl over there. I don't usually see girls doing this.
me: Yep, there sure is. Girls can do anything, right?
Frankie: Yeah.
me: Just like boys can do anything.
I started to think about examples of professions that would push the bounds of gender tropes in our society. I wanted to think of ways in which boys and girls can choose unexpected professions, be talented, strong leaders in many fields: construction worker, teacher, scientist, parents. (In fact, my friend, Jake Minton, has a wonderful Ted Talk about this very subject, if you're interested.) Before I could get to my own thoughts for the 5 year olds, Frankie led the way back to gender tropes:
Frankie: Yeah, but boys are stronger than girls.
me: Well that's not true. It's true in some situations but not all.
This is when Louie's wheels began to turn in his head. He didn't need me to expand his horizons about what's possible for men and women. He had an example ready in his mind from his neighbor across the street, a dear friend of their family's, who used to play D1 volleyball in college before launching into her own career and family.
Louie: Yeah, because Mary Beth is stronger than my Dad. (after a beat) And that takes a lot of skills.
Frankie: Oh really?
Louie: Yeah. She can pick my dad up. I think. And that takes a lot of jump hops.
Frankie: Wow, Louie.
I didn't need to add anything to the conversation. Back at my house, I asked the 5 year olds to carry groceries into the house, believing this to be the great equalizer. They can both do this, no questions. This isn't about men and women, strength or not, this is about all of us just pitching in and getting the groceries in the house together. Equality! Having spent a lot of time with Louie, I wasn't surprised when he brought up a common anxiety he holds after all the storms we've had this summer.
Louie: But what if it rains?
me: It's gorgeous outside today, buddy, it's not going to rain.
Not a cloud in the sky, the temperature was rising to 100, and it's a bright summer day. Quit your whining and be a man! Of course I didn't say that, but instead I handed each one of them a bag, and they trudged up to the house, still chattering away about what they would do when they got inside. High on the list of things? Pretending to be firefighters, going to Disneyland, sliding down a waterslide, dressing up like fairies, and then becoming astronauts. A smattering of possibilities for their young minds.
I don't see anything wrong with naming the ways boys are different from girls. Part biology, part genetics, part nature, part nurture, there are millions of reasons why our kids display the personalities and talents they do. However, I do think it's important to level the playing field in terms of what kids think could be possible for themselves, and to not be bound by "only boys do (this)" or "only girls do (that)." So this morning as I drove around with my 5 year old daughter, Frankie, and my 5 year old nephew, Louie, a situation presented itself where I thought my two cents might be needed. We were stopped at a red light with construction happening on the road, sidewalk and sewer system to our right. Frankie looked out the window at a group of yellow and orange vested workers moving massive pipes in and out of a large hole in the ground.
Frankie: There's a girl over there. I don't usually see girls doing this.
me: Yep, there sure is. Girls can do anything, right?
Frankie: Yeah.
me: Just like boys can do anything.
I started to think about examples of professions that would push the bounds of gender tropes in our society. I wanted to think of ways in which boys and girls can choose unexpected professions, be talented, strong leaders in many fields: construction worker, teacher, scientist, parents. (In fact, my friend, Jake Minton, has a wonderful Ted Talk about this very subject, if you're interested.) Before I could get to my own thoughts for the 5 year olds, Frankie led the way back to gender tropes:
Frankie: Yeah, but boys are stronger than girls.
me: Well that's not true. It's true in some situations but not all.
This is when Louie's wheels began to turn in his head. He didn't need me to expand his horizons about what's possible for men and women. He had an example ready in his mind from his neighbor across the street, a dear friend of their family's, who used to play D1 volleyball in college before launching into her own career and family.
Louie: Yeah, because Mary Beth is stronger than my Dad. (after a beat) And that takes a lot of skills.
Frankie: Oh really?
Louie: Yeah. She can pick my dad up. I think. And that takes a lot of jump hops.
Frankie: Wow, Louie.
I didn't need to add anything to the conversation. Back at my house, I asked the 5 year olds to carry groceries into the house, believing this to be the great equalizer. They can both do this, no questions. This isn't about men and women, strength or not, this is about all of us just pitching in and getting the groceries in the house together. Equality! Having spent a lot of time with Louie, I wasn't surprised when he brought up a common anxiety he holds after all the storms we've had this summer.
Louie: But what if it rains?
me: It's gorgeous outside today, buddy, it's not going to rain.
Not a cloud in the sky, the temperature was rising to 100, and it's a bright summer day. Quit your whining and be a man! Of course I didn't say that, but instead I handed each one of them a bag, and they trudged up to the house, still chattering away about what they would do when they got inside. High on the list of things? Pretending to be firefighters, going to Disneyland, sliding down a waterslide, dressing up like fairies, and then becoming astronauts. A smattering of possibilities for their young minds.
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