Honest parenting redemption
We have no shortage of lessons to be learned while stuck at home together.
Long ago, back when people went to the store with children and we had no fear of disease transmission, I took my three children to Target. This is not advisable: don't take three children to Target. After 6.5 years of having three children, I still haven't learned this truism. *sigh*
I let them play in the toy section. Again, do as I say, not as I do. Don't let children play in the toy section at Target. Only bad things can happen.
If I remember correctly, I was looking for a desk lamp and light bulb for Sean's room. I was trying to entice him to keep his bedroom desk clean so that he could do homework there. (How silly I was! Why would he ever need a desk at home to do his work?) I was also looking for a birthday present for Audrey's friend's birthday coming up. This was back in the day when children celebrated birthdays with their friends. In person.
I remember coming circling through the toy section to make sure my kids were doing all right. They seemed calm enough. While I perused the books and more educational gift options, my daughter kept bringing me $50 - 65 gifts that she wanted to purchase for her friend. I said no. I refrained from saying, "Are you kidding? We don't spend that much on one present for you!"
Frankie brought me a small, rainbow furry creature with the large glittery eyes. She and the stuffed animal both had a pleading look.
Frankie: Mommy, look at this cute stuff animal.
me: (absent-mindedly) mmmmm hmmmm.
Frankie: Can we get this?
By we she means me. By me she means herself. What she really means? Will you spend your hard earned cash on this overpriced fuzzy creature. Hell no.
me: Uh... no.
Frankie: Why?
me: Because we're not here to get a gift for you today.
Frankie: But it's so cute.
[Beside the point. And frankly: debatable.]
me: Nope.
Frankie: Whyyyy?
me: Go put it back. That belongs to the store, not us.
She huffed off.
Later that evening, she sheepishly brought the furry creature into the kitchen while Tom and I were making dinner. Her little cheeks turned red, her mouth couldn't decide whether it was laughing or crying. Her embarrassment mixed with horror.
Frankie: Mommy.
My eyes got wide.
Frankie: Somehow, I don't know how, this stuff animal was in my pocket. In my jacket.
My eyeballs began to dry out while my anger kept my lids from blinking. I felt an impending maniacal look that I couldn't contain. Tom hadn't been with us during the day, so he was trying to respond to Frankie while taking in my look.
Tom: Where did you get that?
Frankie: I don't know. It was down by the door.
Now my memory of the trip to the store was filled with all sorts of things, and we'd lived a whole day in the meantime, so I was digging around in my head trying to figure out if this was indeed the same creature. I tried to relax the muscles around my eyes, tried to appear less angry. I got down at her level.
me: Where did this come from?
Frankie: (high pitched panic) I don't know!
This went on for awhile, shame washing over her, preventing her from speaking much more to us. I said I would hold onto the creature until we could have truthful conversation about what happened.
That was months ago. Now we're in a pandemic. This child has barely left the house. My plans to have her return the creature to the store and apologize have been blown away. The glittery eyed creature stares at me every damn time I go to do dishes, which is now 5 times a day. Frankie asks about the creature, whether she can keep it, or if it has to go back to the store. Finally this week, I gave in, but not without a price.
me: Frankie, I tell you what. I wanted you to take this back to the store, to apologize for taking something that we didn't pay for. However, we've been in quarantine for so long that I don't think the store will ever take this back, and this creature can be yours.
Frankie: It can?
me: Yes. But you have to pay for it.
Frankie: But I don't have any money!
me: Yes you do. You have lost two teeth, and the tooth fairy has brought you money. You need to pay me $1, and then you can have this creature. But you also need to know that taking things from the store without paying is wrong. You could get in a lot of trouble. I don't ever - ever - want to see this happen again.
She nodded her head, ran off to get her one dollar coin. Now that coin sits in the place of the glittery-eyed creature. It stands as testament to my good parenting, the teaching of skills about honesty and truthfulness. It will also serve me well when she loses her next tooth and I need another coin to place under her pillow.
Long ago, back when people went to the store with children and we had no fear of disease transmission, I took my three children to Target. This is not advisable: don't take three children to Target. After 6.5 years of having three children, I still haven't learned this truism. *sigh*
I let them play in the toy section. Again, do as I say, not as I do. Don't let children play in the toy section at Target. Only bad things can happen.
If I remember correctly, I was looking for a desk lamp and light bulb for Sean's room. I was trying to entice him to keep his bedroom desk clean so that he could do homework there. (How silly I was! Why would he ever need a desk at home to do his work?) I was also looking for a birthday present for Audrey's friend's birthday coming up. This was back in the day when children celebrated birthdays with their friends. In person.
I remember coming circling through the toy section to make sure my kids were doing all right. They seemed calm enough. While I perused the books and more educational gift options, my daughter kept bringing me $50 - 65 gifts that she wanted to purchase for her friend. I said no. I refrained from saying, "Are you kidding? We don't spend that much on one present for you!"
Frankie brought me a small, rainbow furry creature with the large glittery eyes. She and the stuffed animal both had a pleading look.
Frankie: Mommy, look at this cute stuff animal.
me: (absent-mindedly) mmmmm hmmmm.
Frankie: Can we get this?
By we she means me. By me she means herself. What she really means? Will you spend your hard earned cash on this overpriced fuzzy creature. Hell no.
me: Uh... no.
Frankie: Why?
me: Because we're not here to get a gift for you today.
Frankie: But it's so cute.
[Beside the point. And frankly: debatable.]
me: Nope.
Frankie: Whyyyy?
me: Go put it back. That belongs to the store, not us.
She huffed off.
Later that evening, she sheepishly brought the furry creature into the kitchen while Tom and I were making dinner. Her little cheeks turned red, her mouth couldn't decide whether it was laughing or crying. Her embarrassment mixed with horror.
Frankie: Mommy.
My eyes got wide.
Frankie: Somehow, I don't know how, this stuff animal was in my pocket. In my jacket.
My eyeballs began to dry out while my anger kept my lids from blinking. I felt an impending maniacal look that I couldn't contain. Tom hadn't been with us during the day, so he was trying to respond to Frankie while taking in my look.
Tom: Where did you get that?
Frankie: I don't know. It was down by the door.
Now my memory of the trip to the store was filled with all sorts of things, and we'd lived a whole day in the meantime, so I was digging around in my head trying to figure out if this was indeed the same creature. I tried to relax the muscles around my eyes, tried to appear less angry. I got down at her level.
me: Where did this come from?
Frankie: (high pitched panic) I don't know!
This went on for awhile, shame washing over her, preventing her from speaking much more to us. I said I would hold onto the creature until we could have truthful conversation about what happened.
That was months ago. Now we're in a pandemic. This child has barely left the house. My plans to have her return the creature to the store and apologize have been blown away. The glittery eyed creature stares at me every damn time I go to do dishes, which is now 5 times a day. Frankie asks about the creature, whether she can keep it, or if it has to go back to the store. Finally this week, I gave in, but not without a price.
me: Frankie, I tell you what. I wanted you to take this back to the store, to apologize for taking something that we didn't pay for. However, we've been in quarantine for so long that I don't think the store will ever take this back, and this creature can be yours.
Frankie: It can?
me: Yes. But you have to pay for it.
Frankie: But I don't have any money!
me: Yes you do. You have lost two teeth, and the tooth fairy has brought you money. You need to pay me $1, and then you can have this creature. But you also need to know that taking things from the store without paying is wrong. You could get in a lot of trouble. I don't ever - ever - want to see this happen again.
She nodded her head, ran off to get her one dollar coin. Now that coin sits in the place of the glittery-eyed creature. It stands as testament to my good parenting, the teaching of skills about honesty and truthfulness. It will also serve me well when she loses her next tooth and I need another coin to place under her pillow.
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